Serving overseas reshapes family life in unexpected ways. Working with OMF in Japan since 2017, John Timothy shares his experience of fatherhood in cross-cultural ministry – the joys, pressures and the faithfulness of God along the way.

My wife Birita and I currently live in Nanae, Hokkaido in Japan, with our three children, aged 7, 5 and 1. All three of our children have been born in Japan, each in different cities where we have been working. Before beginning, it’s worth pointing out that every family, child and parent is unique, and my experience is just one among many.

Before coming to Japan, I studied at All Nations Christian College and took every opportunity to focus my studies on Japan. I read a lot about family and the role of the father, but since coming to Japan, I have realised that much of what I had read had become out of date, and that the stereotypes found in many books – although you still encounter them – are far less common than they used to be. Fathers in Japan are much more engaged with family life than they once were. It’s common to see fathers at the park with their children, taking them to the doctor, attending school events and supporting their children in sports clubs. In this respect, stepping into the father role in Japanese society hasn’t been much of a culture shock or difficulty.

I think the bigger adjustment takes place in the everyday life of a missionary and in expectations of what life might look like. Life for us has been a bit like a juggling act since we’ve had children. We often joke as a family about what people might think of us coming and going from our home throughout the day. Birita might have women’s Bible studies, meet up with mums, or have OMF responsibilities, which requires me to be at home with the children, sorting dinner and being a ‘house dad’, until my turn comes to lead a prayer meeting in the evening or take a few hours to prepare a sermon. As a person who needs structure in life, it’s taken some getting used to, and a redefining of what structure looks like in a very messy schedule. There are, however, many great benefits to this, and as a father I probably get to spend more time with my children than many do, and our bond as a family feels strong.

Other challenges facing a dad serving overseas relate to your children’s education, as schooling is such a big part of both your life and theirs, particularly in terms of their happiness and their future. Bringing children to the field and entering a school without the language is definitely a different experience compared to them being born and mostly raised there. But two main worries remain. Firstly, their general happiness. Will they be happy? Will they make friends? Will they get bullied? These are normal questions in any country. Sadly, life as a missionary child can bring added pressures and difficulties for some.

However, the opposite is also true, and some thrive. Our oldest boy seems to be flourishing. He feels very strongly the sense of ‘them’ and ‘me,’ but the children in his school have welcomed him with open arms and are interested in his differences rather than rejecting them. Our second son, on the other hand, who is in nursery, struggles a lot more. His language is slower, he doesn’t seem as quick to make friends, and it has sometimes been difficult to persuade him to go. There is no way to predict our children’s happiness, but building strong, trusting relationships with them and communicating well does help navigate difficulties when they come, and that extra time in their lives as a dad really helps with that.

On the subject of my children’s future, as a father I try to concentrate more on their happiness than the pathway they will eventually take. There are many paths in education and bridges into the workplace. Education will come in one form or another, and I trust in God’s provision.

This isn’t a comprehensive article, and there are many more challenges and experiences—both good and bad—to talk about. There are days when I fear that I’m putting my children and family through too much. I sometimes feel the urge to go home and give them, and myself included, a more normal and stable life.  However, I’m grateful for the Lord’s sustaining hand, which has remained steady throughout our journey.

John Timothy

OMF Japan Church Planter